Consistency Not Perfection

As we change seasons, I am trying to challenge my notion of a healthy and happy life.

Most people start this on January 1st, but I am a procrastinator. Well, that is not a fair statement. I took the Brad approach to life and actually thought through my desired outcome and how to get there. This attempt is different than most, I am not trying to lose the last 10 pounds or get Bikini season ready. Rather, I am trying to foster a new appreciation for my body, my relationship with food and living my best life. The ideas are simple thoughts, but I know that they will be hard to implement because I have years of trying the crash diet and negative self talk.

As I scroll though my Facebook page, I see all these photos and the all or nothing attitude associated with my weight. I wanted to loose 5 more pounds before our class reunion. When that photo posted, I was judging the flabby arms. I wanted a flatter stomach and was mortified by my love handles. I would be running around naked if I was now that skinny. It makes me sad to hear that negative voice in my head. While it is smaller, it is still present.

One day, I want to look at these photos and not think about how my body did and should have looked. I rather remember that class reunion that ended with 5 best friends drunk and hungry trying to determine if Jack-N-Box would allow a bike in the drive through. I want to remember that those love handles that I was mortified by were on a beach in Barcelona talking about nothing and everything with friends. I want to come to a place that my brain and body can become friends so I can really enjoy the moment and the memory.

It is so cliche, but your weight is just a number on a scale. Until recently though, I would let that number hold me hostage. While on days, it still weighs heavy on me, I need to move past it. A number on the scale doesn’t tell you that you have found harmony between healthy and happy. I would rather weigh a few more pounds, but learn to enjoy the ice cream with friends without feeling guilty. I would be so happy to reframe success not as staying under calories, but rather nourishing my body with quality food and learning to enjoy those “cheats” on moderation.

Basically, I am trying to take the reward and emotion out of food. It is the most easily accessed and abused substance in my life. I use it to celebrate the good, bad, boring, stressful days and I could go on and on. The guilt follows and the cycle continuous. It only ends briefly and when perfection can be accessed. 18-20 and 22-25 are considered my skinny years because I put my relationship with food and my body before everything else. There was a time that I would run 2 hours a day so I could go drink for 4. A) not healthy and b) who the hell has time for that? Perfection and my skinny days are gladly out the window, but now I need to figure out how to do healthy and happy in harmony.

For today, I search for consistency and not perfection.