One week ago today, I asked to see her. Yes, you heard me right, her. We named the tumor as a way to separate the struggles we encounter on this road. A good friend of ours and role model mentioned it in passing the other week that her husband and her separate Jan wants vs. MS wants as a way to keep frustration at bay. This, of course, was another gift from God as it was two days prior to D spurring her nasty ways. Brad wanted to cook me dinner after a long day, but D bucked up and prevented it. It is easier to accept the hardships when you think of D as an unwelcome guest in our marriage.

Again, you heard me, our marriage went from three (God, Brad and me) to four now that D has decided to join. I have heard a lot about what D might be and a lot about what she is not, but I wanted to meet her. I wanted to see the exact location that she camped out and how comfortable she had made herself.

This is what I learned from meeting D…

• Brad’s writing is more profound now than ever before not because of his own talent. Yes, this sounds harsh because he is a brilliant writer, but D is pretty comfy in her reading nook. I have new found appreciation for his writing because it is clearly not easy and he is being guided on what to share. He feels inspired to share his story and he is being guided, I believe by God, on sharing his story.
• Brad is the most optimistic person I have ever met. D is taking up a good amount of room and I imagine if roles were reversed, I would be complaining about her every moment. He takes her with stride and laughs at her every chance that he gets. Again, God is with us on this one as D alone should be driving a person nuts.
• She has a big booty and that booty will be evicted one day, just not today. We will wait patiently as we determine who D is and how to gracefully kick her out of our marriage. Until then, we wait and pray. As my brother wrote after hearing the news, “red wine tonight and prayers, prayers and more prayers” This is the perfect plan to deal with D in stride.

I am glad that I met D. She is unwelcomed, big booty and making herself way too comfy, but it shows me how strong my husband and marriage is. We are blessed that throughout our unwelcome guest, we can find joy, share our story and most importantly be given the grace to wait for her eviction. I will celebrate when my marriage returns to normal as it should be; God, Brad and me.

We are 22 days into this new journey, more needles than I would like to count, meeting our new BFF, CT and MRI at every turn, 2 nights in the hospital and one scar forming. We should be 22 days into the most terrifying journey of our life. 27 years old and faced with a tumor straddling language and reading. My two favorite parts of my husband. The parts that will last when the laugh lines settle in and our family is grown. The parts that matter when you are 80, sitting on the porch and telling stories about when we were kids and newspapers were actually paper!

Here we are 22 days later feeling more blessed today than the last. Stress fades a bit easier and finding the joy seems to come a bit quicker. 22 days of terms we don’t understand and unthinkable outcomes, turned into hundreds of prayers, unmeasurable love and God being everywhere we look.

At first, I am sure people thought we had lost our minds. How could we receive devastating news with unknown around every corner and still smile? How could we handle it with grace and faith that we will be ok? How are you accepting ok might not be the outcome we want? The answer is simple and oh so hard all at the same time.

God took care of us to this point. He prepared us in every way without us ever knowing it. I once heard, when you look into the rearview mirror, you can see how God has gotten you there. Well, when you are analyzing ever moment of your life to determine when the symptoms started and how you are feeling, you get to see the path a little closer up. Honestly though, there is too much good not to think that God will carry us through.

As I have since watching my entire future get whisked away into an ambulance, I pray not for my own desires, but to be given the peace and strength to accept God’s will. Something that is hard for a stubborn woman like me.

When faced with tragedy, you can ask why me or be thankful for what you have. Brad and I chose to be thankful for each other, our faith, family and friends. Thankful to love a bit fuller and get to do this crazy journey which some think is incredible grace and we now call life.